| The executive board of Darkwater Syndicate has announced that the company will be taking a new direction. After much deliberation, and a few drunken fistfights in the boardroom, the company has decided to publish cookbooks exclusively. Beginning April 1st, 2019, it will publish cookbooks in the genres of fantasy, science fiction, horror, comedy, and thrillers. "It wasn't an easy decision, but we think it's the best way forward," said Antonio Simon, Jr., Darkwater's Head of Business Development. "The market for cookbooks - sci-fi cookbooks in particular - is up 537% since 1988's Julia Childs's Cookbook for the Modern Martian Household. And let's not forget Edgar Allan Poe's horror cookbook classic: Quoth the Raven, Feed Me More!" |  Antonio Simon, Jr. |
 Ramiro Perez | Not everyone was on board with the decision to shift into the cookbook market. The company's Head Acquisitions Editor, Ramiro Perez, was markedly irate. A longtime fan of hack-and-slash fiction in the vein of Robert E. Howard's Conan the Barbarian stories, Perez joined the company in 2014 for the stated reason of wanting to read more contemporary fiction. When asked for his opinion on the changes in the company, Mr. Perez stated: "Get these ****ing reporters out of my ****ing office!" The seventy-seven year old then flipped a desk and threw an empty rum bottle at the reporters. The cantankerous Cuban was not available for further comment. |
| "I sure don't like it," said Apara Moreiya, the company's resident dragon and unofficial mascot, when asked about the change. "I didn't sign up to edit cookbooks; they're sooo boring! What's more, they've replaced me as company mascot!" The company's beloved fire-breather was informed on the morning of April 1st that he would no longer serve as the company's mascot. The change of mascot is scheduled to coincide with a company logo and name change. To better suit their shift into the cookbook market, "Darkwater Syndicate, Inc." will henceforth be known instead as "Rosewater Syrup Cake, Inc." The new mascot will be the company's namesake, a lovely rosewater syrup cake. New logos and corporate images have been devised in accordance with the re-branding. See below. |  Apara Moreiya |
 Douglas Fairbanks | The fourth and final member of the former Darkwater team, Douglas Fairbanks, could not be reached for comment. In much the same way salmon return to the rivers in which they were spawned, Mr. Fairbanks is believed to have absconded to the South American oil platform off the coast of Belize where he was conceived. Look to Rosewater Syrup Cake, Inc. for the very best in new and exciting genre cookbooks. |
 Proposed company mascot: a lovely rosewater syrup cake |  Proposed company logo in line with re-branding efforts |
