Admittedly, our fine webzine isn't dedicated to interviews of interesting people, but we recently caught an opportunity we couldn't pass up. We got a hold of a sous chef working in a state penitentiary. And while he had only a few moments to chat with us -- the death row inmates he serves are literally dying to get out -- the conversation was fascinating. He's asked that we not reveal his identity.
Q: So you're a chef.
A: I'm a sous chef, actually. I'm the hands-on sort of guy whose job it is to ensure that the food we serve is well prepared and properly arranged.
Q: And you work in the death row section of a prison?
A: Yes.
Q: Don't you find that odd?
A: Should I?
Q: I mean, why ever would death row inmates need a chef, much less executive kitchen staff?
A: Simple. You can't send somebody into the afterlife on an empty stomach. Everybody gets what they ask for, within reason.
Q: So nobody gets a dozen coldwater lobster tails as a last meal?
A: I said, "within reason". If they asked, they might get one lobster tail, perhaps with a petite filet mignon and asparagus spears.
Q: That's a ridiculously expensive meal for someone about to die. How can that be reasonable?
A: Cut the guy a break. It's his last meal before they kill him. Besides, nobody orders lobster as a last meal. It's mostly chicken, sometimes spaghetti. And ice cream. Lots of it.
Q: Why ice cream?
A: [Shrugs] Comfort food, I suppose.
Q: So, getting back around to a prior question, why do we serve death row inmates last meals?
A: It's a little-known state requirement that everyone on death row must be offered a last meal. If they aren't offered a last meal, their sentence gets commuted to life in prison.
Q: Are you serious?
A: Absolutely. Look it up, it's a state law.
Q: So you're telling me that if I murder twenty people...
A: ...And I don't offer you your last meal, the worst you get is life in prison. Just don't tell the warden I told you.
A: I'm a sous chef, actually. I'm the hands-on sort of guy whose job it is to ensure that the food we serve is well prepared and properly arranged.
Q: And you work in the death row section of a prison?
A: Yes.
Q: Don't you find that odd?
A: Should I?
Q: I mean, why ever would death row inmates need a chef, much less executive kitchen staff?
A: Simple. You can't send somebody into the afterlife on an empty stomach. Everybody gets what they ask for, within reason.
Q: So nobody gets a dozen coldwater lobster tails as a last meal?
A: I said, "within reason". If they asked, they might get one lobster tail, perhaps with a petite filet mignon and asparagus spears.
Q: That's a ridiculously expensive meal for someone about to die. How can that be reasonable?
A: Cut the guy a break. It's his last meal before they kill him. Besides, nobody orders lobster as a last meal. It's mostly chicken, sometimes spaghetti. And ice cream. Lots of it.
Q: Why ice cream?
A: [Shrugs] Comfort food, I suppose.
Q: So, getting back around to a prior question, why do we serve death row inmates last meals?
A: It's a little-known state requirement that everyone on death row must be offered a last meal. If they aren't offered a last meal, their sentence gets commuted to life in prison.
Q: Are you serious?
A: Absolutely. Look it up, it's a state law.
Q: So you're telling me that if I murder twenty people...
A: ...And I don't offer you your last meal, the worst you get is life in prison. Just don't tell the warden I told you.
