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Surreal Want of Coffee

6/10/2013

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Brace yourself. We're about to get surreal.  

Coffee is as much a part of office life as water cooler gossip and awkward holiday parties. Gone are the days when people drank it just for enjoyment. Today, it is the fuel for the engines of commerce. Much as you can't be expected to work on an empty stomach, most office denizens can't be expected to think without a mug or two of the brew.

It's come to be that people drink it less for taste and more for effect. Coffee, then, is nothing more than the medium for delivery of caffeine, much like a bitter pill is the unit for delivery of antacids. We knew a guy who drank so much coffee his kidneys practically floated in it. He was my politics professor (note it says "POL 380" in the margin).

Never did I crave coffee so much as when I started working in an office. But, at the very least, never have I craved coffee as badly as our dragon friend shown in the doodle. Walking you through this doodle is a tall order, but we'll do our best.

Apparently, the dragon wants coffee (black, extra sugar, no cream) so bad that it consumes his thoughts. Permeates them, in fact, to the point that his thought bubble precipitates coffee. The mug in his thoughts tips over and spills coffee into a dog bowl on a passing flying carpet. Some time later, the dragon finds a mug of coffee from... somewhere... There's no clear indication of where he got it or even who is holding the mug as it tips the coffee into his mouth. Is there a shred of sense in this? Nope, sorry.

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Now that we're on the subject of things that don't make a shred of sense, I present to you Cobra Catapult. Say you've got your opponent walled up in an impregnable fortress. Your men are anxious, supplies are low, and winter is on the verge of freezing your troops where they stand.

What to do?

Simple. You load the largest catapult you've got and bombard the fortress with a single cobra in a wicker basket. The fright of seeing the flying serpent should panic the opposition into surrender.

Sun Tzu said that.

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