My boss is a necromancer. Let that sink in. Got it? Good. The man makes his money raising the dead from their graves as skeletons and zombies. And it's not half bad, if you don't mind it feeling like Halloween every day.
The pay is good and the work is stable. You get great health insurance. If there was anything at all that I could gripe about, it would be the employment contract. It's bit unusual, but it's standard for the industry. Barring for-cause termination, you're guaranteed lifetime employment (however long that may be). In return, you need to promise you'll work for the company for another thirty years after you die. During your thirty-year post-life term, you'll still accrue vacation time, sick leave, and retirement pay.
My co-workers are skeletons and zombies, which isn't as bad as you might think. They're a lively bunch. Like Todd Obermann, a zombie who works in cubicle east-29. He's a 16/3 year employee, having been with the company now for sixteen years while alive, three years dead. You should have seen him at last year's holiday party. He took it to a new level when the DJ told everybody to "Throw your hands in the air."
The office fosters a great working environment. Working with undead co-workers changes your view on life. It's not a bad thing. Dying on the job has become less a catastrophe and more of an occupational hazard, much like catching the flu. The sign by the door to our human resources department keeps a running tally of the days since an on-the job fatality. It currently reads "02" and has not gone into double-digits for a long time, which, I'm told, is good for business.
When a longtime employee drops dead on the job, he doesn't get a funeral. Instead, we put his body in the office's "Dead Guy of the Day" casket and throw a going-away party. The following day he gets a welcome back party, after the boss brings him back, then it's business as usual.
Good as it is to work here, you'd think we'd have more job applicants. Apparently, most people are squeamish around the undead. To each his own, I guess. If you don't mind office work and having zombie co-workers, definitely drop us a line.
We're always looking for fresh bodies.
The pay is good and the work is stable. You get great health insurance. If there was anything at all that I could gripe about, it would be the employment contract. It's bit unusual, but it's standard for the industry. Barring for-cause termination, you're guaranteed lifetime employment (however long that may be). In return, you need to promise you'll work for the company for another thirty years after you die. During your thirty-year post-life term, you'll still accrue vacation time, sick leave, and retirement pay.
My co-workers are skeletons and zombies, which isn't as bad as you might think. They're a lively bunch. Like Todd Obermann, a zombie who works in cubicle east-29. He's a 16/3 year employee, having been with the company now for sixteen years while alive, three years dead. You should have seen him at last year's holiday party. He took it to a new level when the DJ told everybody to "Throw your hands in the air."
The office fosters a great working environment. Working with undead co-workers changes your view on life. It's not a bad thing. Dying on the job has become less a catastrophe and more of an occupational hazard, much like catching the flu. The sign by the door to our human resources department keeps a running tally of the days since an on-the job fatality. It currently reads "02" and has not gone into double-digits for a long time, which, I'm told, is good for business.
When a longtime employee drops dead on the job, he doesn't get a funeral. Instead, we put his body in the office's "Dead Guy of the Day" casket and throw a going-away party. The following day he gets a welcome back party, after the boss brings him back, then it's business as usual.
Good as it is to work here, you'd think we'd have more job applicants. Apparently, most people are squeamish around the undead. To each his own, I guess. If you don't mind office work and having zombie co-workers, definitely drop us a line.
We're always looking for fresh bodies.
